“Yes I’m always right.” -Yohami

yohami, do you really believe that?

***

let me restate the question.

yohami, do you believe that:

a) your way is the best way for rivelino to bang hot girls, since you know his strengths and weaknesses

b) your way is the best way for men to bang hot girls, since your way is the most naturally alpha and dominant

c) your way is the only way for men to bang hot girls, since the other manosphere alphas are full of shit

***

yohami, what i mean is, do you disagree with the mystery method, and with the london daygame model?

not kiss. makeout.

should you go for the heavy makeout before she comes to your apartment, or after?

most of the game literature i have read states clearly that you shouldn’t try to heat her up until you get to your apartment.

yohami believes the opposite.

except that i just got dumped.

***

i feel sort of that numb feeling. very odd. this was a girl that had chased me, that i wasn’t even so sure about, that grew on me, and that i then did start to love — and then she got cold and distant and wham-o, it’s over.

i mean, she was always distant, in the sense that we were always long-distance — she was in turkey, i was here — but man, it’s an important reminder of how people’s attitudes towards you can change in an instant.

wtf happened, i don’t know.

i know her mom is sick with cancer, i know she is very worried about that, i know she is stuck between her job in turkey and her mom and dad in romania, and i know that moving to madrid would have been very risky for her, a big gamble — but still. i wonder what happened.

of course, part of me thinks, was there someone else??? it’s natural to think that. maybe there was, who knows.

we saw each other in munich in late november, she really wanted to spend new year’s even together, so she came to madrid for three days for that, and then she *really* wanted to move in together, so she convinced me to let her move in with me, she was going to come in march, then that stalled for a bunch of reasons — looking back, they seem suspicious — then she started sort of disappearing, her chasing ended, then even a few weeks ago, she told me she missed me and wanted to come to paris with me — but then she didn’t follow up on that — and so then i tried ignoring her, but that didn’t really work, since she ignored me more, and just now on the phone she was just so dismissive, it was a real blow to my ego.

girl who once was crazy about me, treating me almost like a telemarketer. she couldn’t talk, had to finish something, was tired — man, what an ego blow.

i tried to play it cool. can’t show weakness or desperation. i told her that if the timing was off, or if things had changed, that was fine. i could invite a different girl for my paris trip. she said, haha yes i know you are good at that, but there was no anxiety in her voice.

i was dead to her.

i mean, that’s life, it happens every day — much much worse things happen every day — but so many things are random, and that’s my problem, this wasn’t random. this wasn’t a random act of god, this was a girl who was crazy about me, who was chasing me to commit, now acting cold as ice.

no, not cold as ice, she still cared — but cared in the past tense. she talked about us in the past tense.

man, this is a huge ego blow.

and of course, sure i was trying to cheat on her, even replace her — something i couldn’t do — because we all know that having a long distance gf is like having no gf, in the sense that you have complete freedom to hunt for as much pussy as you can — but damn. i did have feelings for her. she was very kind and warm.

the way this thing ended, i am very surprised.

it’s extra annoying because she was the one chasing me so much, to then dismiss me. i was so close to breaking up with her several times.

fuck.

crazy. so crazy.

***

humiliating, really. i tried to play it cool, but ultimately, she was the one who was avoiding me, and i was the one who had to track her down, and get her to state clearly that we should break up.

i didn’t want there to be any mix-up or confusion, since i had also been trying to play it cool, had avoided some of her texts, was trying to get back the upper hand.

but deep down, i know that i didn’t have the upper hand. i knew that she had. i knew that she had it because i knew she had fallen out of love with me.

i guess she got cold feet about coming to madrid — and *something* changed.

i guess that’s what they say about wanting closure.

dammit.

so spring is finally here in madrid, and the pretty girls are everywhere.

yesterday i had my best set of the year, with a pretty 21yo english girl studying art, who has lived in spain since she was a kid, but the bitch hasn’t accepted my friend request yet. what a cunt.

the chemistry was there. it was real. she was shy, blushed a bunch of times, especially when i teased her and qualified her and did false disqualifications. i was pushing and pulling her up and down the block. it was beautiful. i should have recorded it. i did great. real sexual chemistry. real tension. but like i said, she hasn’t replied yet.

so today, when i got another shy girl on the hook, i took her on an instadate. this girl was russian, very pretty eyes, shy, maybe mid or late 20s, she was here for work, leaving tomorrow. i tried to get her to come up to my apt after the instadate, but she said no.

still, it was fun and it was good practice. i took her to a new spot too, to give her a taste of old world madrid.

these are some good ones.

early questions:

“Tell me a secret about yourself. Something you can only tell me because I’ll never meet your friends, family or colleagues”

“What frightens you?”

“Which part of your body do you think is most sexy?”

“Who is the sexiest man in the world. Fiction or real, living or dead. Note I said sexy, not perfect husband.”

later questions:

“What do you like about me?”

“What colour is your underwear?”

“What is the sexual thing you’ve never done – and maybe never will do – but you think about it?”

#5questiongame

i didn’t let people in.

i didn’t ask for help. i didn’t want to admit i needed any help, on anything.

i didn’t ask for advice. because asking for advice meant that i didn’t know what i was doing.

i was so scared of looking stupid, of showing weakness, of showing that i wasn’t 1000% in charge of my life — that i wasted time trying to figure everything out on my own.

and ultimately, i didn’t figure out everything on my own. i mean, i guess some people can, but i have to imagine that most people have blind spots that are very difficult to overcome.

for me, ultimately i got a lot of help — and still am getting a lot of help from a few trusted friends — and some professionals, too. starting to see my therapist a few months ago, that was huge. she is really helping me figure out some things that i couldn’t figure out on my own. which is fine.

doing the daygame bootcamp with tom, jon and sam — also huge. that was a massive turning point in my life.

starting to read the manosphere and learning the red pill from real men like roissy, yohami, mike cernovich, rollo, doug1, and so many others — very, very huge in my life.

asking for help is usually a physical act — hey man, can i get your advice on something? — but it can also just be a mindset shift. the red pill had existed before i started getting divorced — i am sure of that — but it took me hitting rock bottom, having my wife ditch me, for me to start thinking, shit, maybe there is something i am doing wrong here, maybe there is something i don’t know about women that i need to learn. maybe i need to rethink some things which i am just assuming are true.

now, i am building a small group of trusted advisors, of trusted friends, and i actually *enjoy* running things by them, getting their thoughts, getting their POV and getting their advice — it’s not only fascinating, but it helps me a lot in making decisions. the president has his cabinet, the godfather had tom hagen — it’s not a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of intelligence to have trusted advisors.

ultimately, i still make my own decisions. ultimately, i still run my life. it’s my world. it’s my ass. and if i fuck up, it’s still my fault. no excuses.

but i just think it’s a better system.

***

and to add to this point, this is one of the tricky things about being a man. a real man is self-reliant, i think all of us red pillers can agree on that. and that almost feels like it goes *against* what i just wrote. how can i be self reliant if i am always asking for advice and feedback?

well, easy. part of being self reliant means creating a team, creating a support group, creating a cabinet of trusted advisors, trusted friends — that’s called being *smart*.

anyway, maybe that is obvious to you — if so, great — i am just throwing this in there because for some reason, when i was growing up, i felt that for me to be self-reliant, i couldn’t show any “weakness”, and one major weakness was not knowing what to do, and having to ask for help, having to get advice.

who knows why i thought that — although i am sure other men think this way too — let’s just call it a blind spot.

well, it’s a big one.

now, i ask for help a lot — maybe “asking for help” is the wrong way of saying it, of framing it.

now i ask my friends their POV on tricky issues i am facing — yes, that sounds better — or even sometimes, i ask complete strangers, or people i don’t know as well, but who seem to have insight on the subject.

it’s not a sign of weakness. it’s a sign of maturity and intelligence.

it’s admitting i am not perfect or omniscient.

it’s admitting i am flawed.

yes, i am flawed, but i am still lovable.

***

and the old style, that’s what i call being brittle. being brittle means that you pretend to be so hard, so tough, so strong, that you are actually weak and in danger of breaking easily.

now, i try to be more like the palm tree.

no excuses.

***

okay, here’s my excuse.

in july, i fucked the american CS slut. that was fantastic. didn’t get an STD or anything.

during the summer i was also fucking andreea. don’t remember if i started fucking her before or after, maybe after.

anyway, then andreea and i met up several times, either she came to visit me in madrid, or i went to turkey, or we met up in munich. the last time i saw her was in january.

she was going to move to madrid in march, so i was waiting like a good boy — no, it was freezing, so i was just waiting.

march turned to april, now we are probably breaking up — and all of a sudden, wtf, i am in a major rut.

this happened because i didn’t follow roissy’s 7th commandment.

#dammit

 

 

Pre-daygame memories

i remember this clearly. it was over ten years ago, but the tension is fresh in my mind. i was living in manhattan, and i went to check out the cool art and design bookstore downtown, i forgot what it was called. it was near chinatown. i go in there to get some graphic design inspiration, and then this beautiful girl walks in. i don’t remember anything about her except that her face had me mesmerized. white skin, brown hair (i am guessing), and maybe she was wearing a white shirt and a light grey coat. those details are in my head, but they could be wrong.

she was by herself, also checking out the books and magazines. we were both checking out the low center aisle, so while she looked down, i could look at her directly. she was focused on the books, i was focused on her.

i was a coward. no, said positively, i wasn’t trained in the art of cold approach (ACA). i wasn’t ACA-certified. and also, i was afraid and i didn’t overcome that fear (cowardly).

i anguished. i watched. i was pinned to the floor. i couldn’t move closer to her, i couldn’t say anything. and then she left.

i watched her walk away for a bit, and that’s the end of the story.

fresh in my mind.

the lesson, as always: do your 1,000 approaches before you turn 40.

i think it’s fascinating.

sometimes i get the sense that artists — musicians, in this case — don’t even realize when they have created an amazing song.

right now the example i am thinking of is “if you could read my mind“, a really beautiful song, but it was the third song released from GL’s album — i mean, if he knew how great the song was, i am sure he would have released it first.

same thing happened with massive attack on their album blue lines.

***

if you could read my mind.png

i think.

or maybe not.

anyway, so the song creep, according to the verge, when it first came out in the UK, it fell flat, was ignored. it took the USA alternative crowd to notice the song and bring it back to life.

of course, now it is considered a classic.

here is prince’s version.

white and black people working together to create beautiful art. i love it.

 

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